Waitress asked a customer about his strange companion… His response is hilarious! 

Waitress asked a Customer about his strange companion


You will enjoy this! 😄

Funny Shit!

image

Okay folks this is absolutely hysterically funny stuff. It had gone viral but I just learned of it the other day and wanted to send a chuckle or two your way. Enjoy.

 

Originally Published on Oct 6, 2015

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Stools for Better Stools – Pooping will never be the same and neither will ice cream.

Now for some more funny shit….

 

 

 

 

 

JOE, YOU COULD DO SOMETHING USEFUL …………..

http://nesaranews.blogspot.com/2016/02/joe-you-could-do-something-useful.html?m=1

JOE, YOU COULD DO SOMETHING USEFUL …….

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Joe

A retired guy sits around the house all day so one day his wife says, “Joe, you could do something useful, like vacuum the house once a week”.

The guy gives it a moment’s thought and says; “sure why not. Show me to the vacuum.”

Half an hour later, the guy comes into the kitchen to get some coffee.

His wife says, “I didn’t hear the vacuum working, I thought you were using it?”

Exasperated, Joe answers, ”The stupid thing is broken, it won’t start. We need to buy a new one.”

“Really,” she says, “show me – it worked fine the last time”.

So he did …

CLICK HERE

Michelle Obama Tells Saudi Arabia To Go To Hell

Michelle Obama Tells Saudi Arabia To Go To Hell

2016-02-13-02-53-05-1

 

I am still laughing.

This guy is hilarious. I thought this would be a relief after all the crazy stuff that is happening today. We need to be grounded but sometimes a littke lift off from the craxy is just what our sanity needs. Enjoy.

The Doctor Of Common Sense

Published on Jan 28, 2015

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Don’t make old people mad

Source:

Don’t make old people mad!

old fart

An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that said:  “Dr. Geezer’s Clinic. Get your treatment for $500.  If not cured, get back $1,000!”

Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000, so he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.

 

Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”

 

Dr. Young: Aaagh !! — “This is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

 

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

 

Dr. Young:  “I have lost my memory.  I cannot remember anything.”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Dr. Young:  “Oh, no you don’t!  That is Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back.
That will be $500.”

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak.  I can hardly see anything!!!!

Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so here’s your $1000 back.” (giving him a $10 bill)

Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!

Dr. Geezer:  “Congratulations!  You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

Moral of story  — Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “old Geezer”*

Remember: Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.

Nature Is Fun And At Times Funny

Nature Rx (1 min)

Behind the humor and parody of Nature Rx is good science. Research shows that spending more time in nature improves your health, wellbeing, and leads to making better environmental decisions.

Find out more…http://www.nature-rx.org/research/

Political Correctness Today

I thought you would appreciate the humor I am sharing with you today. This was originally posted on Nesaranews.blogspot.com

A DEFINITION OF THE TERM “POLITICAL CORRECTNESS!”

For the last six odd years, almost all of the things I wanted to write or say, have been stymied by a recently coined term referred to as ‘POLITICAL CORRECTNESS!’  Although I consider myself rather fluent in the English language, that term was not in my vocabulary.  My curiosity got the best of me and I decided to do a little research and after two weeks of chasing fruitless leads, I found what I’d been looking for at the Truman Library and Museum in Independence Missouri.  An unnamed source there sent me copies of four telegrams that were between Harry Truman and Douglas MacArthur on the day before the actual signing of the Surrender Agreement.  The contents of those four telegrams below are exactly as received, not a word has been added or deleted!

(1) Tokyo,Japan 0800-September 1,1945
To: President Harry S Truman
From: General D A MacArthur
Tomorrow we meet with those yellow bellied bastards and sign the Surrender Documents, any last minute instructions!

(2) Washington, D C 1300-September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur
From: H S Truman
Congratulations, job well done, but you must tone down your obvious dislike of the Japanese when discussing the terms of the surrender with the press, because some of your remarks are fundamentally not politically correct!

(3) Tokyo, Japan 1630-September 1, 1945
To: H S Truman
From: D A MacArthur and C H Nimitz
Wilco Sir, but both Chester and I are somewhat confused, exactly what does the term politically correct mean?

(4) Washington, D C 2120-September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur/C H Nimitz
From: H S Truman
Political Correctness is a doctrine, recently fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by a sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by clean end!

Now, with special thanks to my friends at the Truman Museum and Harry, you and I finally have a full understanding of what “POLITICAL CORRECTNESS” really means!  Allan

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America …. Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as ‘HILLBILLIES.’

You must now refer to them as
APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1 She is not a ‘BABE’ or a ‘CHICK’ – She is a ‘BREASTED AMERICAN.’

2. She is not ‘EASY’

She is ‘Horizontally Accessible.’

3. She is not a ‘DUMB BLONDE’

She is a ‘LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.’

4. She has not ‘BEEN AROUND’

She is a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.’

5 She does not ‘NAG’ you

She becomes ‘VERBALLY REPETITIVE.’

6. She is not a ‘TWO-BIT HOOKER’

She is a ‘LOW COST PROVIDER.’

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a ‘BEER GUT’

He has developed a ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’

2. He is not a ‘BAD DANCER’

He is ‘OVERLY CAUCASIAN.’

3. He does not ‘GET LOST ALL THE TIME’

He ‘INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS..’

4. He is not ‘BALDING’

He is in ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.’

5. He does not act like a ‘TOTAL ASS’

He develops a case of  ‘RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.’

6. It’s not his ‘CRACK’ you see hanging out of his pants – It’s ‘REAR CLEAVAGE.’

“Retired” Senior Citizen Humor

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day, my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.

When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, “Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?” He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an a–hole. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

So my wife called him a sh–head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.

We always look for cars with “OBAMA 2012”, or “HILLARY 2016” stickers.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired. It’s important at our age.

Posted by John MacHaffie

Age-AuntyAcid

Note From AnGeleve:

Today we hear so much negative news. I felt it was time to insert a bit of humor from time to time. Be Blessed.

Thank You President Trump

Draining The SwampDecember 15, 2018
Pray for President Trump, the White Hats, our Military and all benevolent beings helping to Free Humanity . Be in JOY and in PEACE. Love others as you Love yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Be an example of Love and Joy. Peace will be ours and so it is.

Angel4Light777@gmail.com

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