Waitress asked a customer about his strange companion… His response is hilarious! 

Waitress asked a Customer about his strange companion


You will enjoy this! 😄

NESARA- REPUBLIC NOW – GALACTIC NEWS: Aaaaaaaa So!

Source

Tuesday, March 21, 2017
Aaaaaaaa So!

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A tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco. While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, “How much for the bronze rat?”
“Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story,” said the wise old man.

The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. “I’ll just take the rat, you can keep the story”.
As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.
A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.
Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay .
Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.

Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown .
“Ahhh,” said the owner, “You come back for story ?”
“No sir,” said the man, “I came back to see if you have a bronze DemocRAT.

Posted by Olive Oyl

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Mom was worried her son had an accident in the bathroom, but his response is pure gold – ViralThread

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Mom was worried her son had an accident in the bathroom, but his response is pure gold

Published February 27, 2017

“One woman’s three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and she had to be on him constantly. One day they stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.

While the woman enjoyed her taco, she smelled something funny, so of course, she checked her seven-month-old daughter, but the infant was clean. Then she realized that Matty had not asked to go potty in a while, so she asked him and he said, “No.”

She kept thinking, “Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I don’t have any clothes with me.” Then she said, “Matty, are you sure you did not have an accident?”

“No,” he replied.

She just knew that he must have, because the smell was getting worse. So she asked one more time, “Matty, did you have an accident?”

Matt jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, “SEE, MOM, IT’S JUST FARTS!!!”

While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened. The mother was mortified!

Some kind people tried to make her feel better. They came over and thanked her for the best laugh they had ever had!!!

Another old gentleman stopped the family in the parking lot as they were leaving, bent over to the son and said, “Don’t worry son, my wife accuses me of the same thing all the time… I just never had the nerve to make the point like you did.”

Girlfriend Tells Boyfriend to Get Rid of His Dog, So He Posts This Ad On Craigslist

https://newsununity.com/2016/10/30/girlfriend-tells-boyfriend-to-get-rid-of-his-dog-so-he-posts-this-ad-on-craigslist/

Girlfriend Tells Boyfriend to Get Rid of His Dog, So He Posts This Ad On Craigslist

Posted on October 30, 2016

by NewSunUnity

dogThe love between man and man’s best friend is never short of extraordinary.  If you have a dog or are thinking of getting one (because they’re awesome), you understand the connection that I’m talking about.

So, imagine the strife you’d experience if your significant other had a serious problem with your dog.  Reddit user Getzen had one such a dilemma.  He moved in with his girlfriend and she told him that his little beagle, Molly, was unwelcome and needed to be re-homed.

After deep contemplation about what he was going to do about this, he decided to make this ad on Craigslist:

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Judge Anna: Be Inspired… Be Very Inspired!

Be Inspired…..Be Very Inspired

By Judge Anna

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Today I have to share one of my all-time favorites (so far) to come out of all the
efforts of Americans to tell government where to stop.

When two Oregon Ranchers were contacted by the Oregon Fish and Wildlife
authorities about conducting a habitat survey project on their land related to an
endangered frog species—which could be used as an excuse to confiscate or
interfere with their use of their property— they promptly wrote back:
___________________
Dear Mr. Niemela:

Thank you for your inquiry regarding accessing our property to survey for the
yellow-legged frog. We may be able to help you out with this matter.

We have divided our 2.26 acres into 75 equal survey units with a draw tag for
each unit. Application fees are only $8.00 per unit after you purchase the “Frog
Survey License” ($120.00 resident / $180.00 Non-Resident). You will also need
to obtain a “Frog Habitat” parking permit ($10.00 per vehicle). You will also need
an “Invasive Species” stamp ($15.00 for the first vehicle and $5.00 for each
add’l vehicle) You will also want to register at the Check Station to have your
vehicle inspected for non-native plant life prior to entering our property. There is
also a Day Use fee, $5.00 per vehicle.

If you are successful in the Draw you will be notified two weeks in advance so
you can make necessary plans and purchase your “Creek Habitat” stamp.
($18.00 Resident / $140.00 Non-Resident). Survey units open between 8am and
3pm but you cannot commence survey until 9am and must cease all survey
activity by 1pm.

Survey Gear can only include a net with a 2″ diameter made of 100% organic
cotton netting with no longer than an 18″ handle, non-weighted and no deeper
than 6′ from net frame to bottom of net. Handles can only be made of BPA-free
plastics or wooden handles. After 1pm you can use a net with a 3″ diameter if
you purchase the “Frog Net Endorsement” ($75.00 Resident / $250
Non-Resident). Any frogs captured that are released will need to be released
with an approved release device back into the environment unharmed.

As of June 1, we are offering draw tags for our “Premium Survey” units and
application is again only $8.00 per application. However, all fees can be waived
if you can verify Native Indian Tribal rights and status.

You will also need to provide evidence of successful completion of “Frog
Surveys and You” comprehensive course on frog identification, safe handling
practices, and self-defense strategies for frog attacks. This course is offered
online through an accredited program for a nominal fee of $750.00.

Please let us know if we can be of assistance to you. Otherwise, we decline your
access to our property but appreciate your inquiry.

Sincerely,
Larry & Amanda Anderson

*****

Don’t believe they did it? The actual letters involved in this correspondence are
posted online:

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/markmeckler/2016/06/oregon-

rancher-receives-government-request-to-survey-his-property-read-his-brilliant-

response/

This is exactly the kind of response that is necessary— gentle, but to the point,
and guaranteed to both make people think and put an end to the nonsense.

There are many, many ways to respond to “government” that expose the Truth
and which protect your rights which are perfectly correct and lawful and
nonetheless provide a powerful deterrent. Find them. Use them. Teach others to
do the same. Sounds like Larry and Amanda Anderson should be offering a
tutorial ($25 for residents, $575 for non-residents) on “How to Communicate
With Bureaucrats”.

          CLICK HERE TO DONATE

Visit Judge Anna’s website her many downloadable documents.

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I love this post

Michelle Obama Tells Saudi Arabia To Go To Hell

Michelle Obama Tells Saudi Arabia To Go To Hell

2016-02-13-02-53-05-1

 

I am still laughing.

This guy is hilarious. I thought this would be a relief after all the crazy stuff that is happening today. We need to be grounded but sometimes a littke lift off from the craxy is just what our sanity needs. Enjoy.

The Doctor Of Common Sense

Published on Jan 28, 2015

BUY THE DR. OF COMMON SENSE APP TODAY

http://whateverhappentocommonsense.com/buy-app-get-dr-common-sense-day/

JOIN THE SHOW Every Monday: @ 8 pm Central

http://cprworldwidemedia.com/live-radio/

Get Common Sense Recipes

http://b82aea2twjlhry9zcu9ie8mnfc.hop.clickbank.net/

JOIN E.T. ‘S PREMIER TEAM

drofcommonsense@gmail.com

http://whatthefidiots.com/

NEW COMEDY STATION

http://www.youtube.com/user/DrofCommonSense?feature=watch

Join The Talk Show Every Wednesday

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/common-sense-nation

Soldier Of Peace Exiled – Because of This Speech

Charlie Chaplin


You can’t deny the impact that this sweet man has made on this planet, in fact I
don’t think there is anyone alive that has not heard or seen at least some or one of his films. He was a man who loved his fellow man and strived to bring happiness to everyone. Beautiful Angel Rest in Peace.

This clip below is from Charlie Chaplin’s own production called “The Great Dictator”, it has to be one of the most heartfelt speeches that I have ever heard and has inspired so many hearts through the ages. A man of Peace. I think this speach ranks up there with Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King.

This speech would be the cause for this great asset to America to be black balled and forbidden reentry to Los Angeles, which he called home for 40 years.


Lets take a trip down memory lane. To grab a glimpse of the journey that this sweet soul took and what an impact he made in the lives of so many.


I found the following story very interesting and plan on getting this book. I felt this information is relevant towards what’s going on today.

Be blessed

Angel Eve

~~~~~~~

 

 

 

 

Source:

Charlie Chaplin on Trial 

Charlie Chaplin – On Trial – Reasons Why He was Exiled from the United States.

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Ken Kline (CelebrateUSA)

In 1952 Charlie Chaplin’s re-entry visa to his home of over 40 years was denied. At that time, with no ability to return to California, he settled in Vevey, Switzerland (a small town in Switzerland residing on the north side of Geneva Lake) and applied for citizenship – with the overshadowing events such as the denial of the re-entry visa to the United States, the Swiss denied Chaplin’s request for citizenship. I don’t blame the Swiss, I do hold the United States government accountable.

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Don’t make old people mad

Source:

Don’t make old people mad!

old fart

An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that said:  “Dr. Geezer’s Clinic. Get your treatment for $500.  If not cured, get back $1,000!”

Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000, so he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.

 

Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”

 

Dr. Young: Aaagh !! — “This is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

 

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

 

Dr. Young:  “I have lost my memory.  I cannot remember anything.”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Dr. Young:  “Oh, no you don’t!  That is Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back.
That will be $500.”

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak.  I can hardly see anything!!!!

Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so here’s your $1000 back.” (giving him a $10 bill)

Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!

Dr. Geezer:  “Congratulations!  You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

Moral of story  — Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “old Geezer”*

Remember: Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.

Nature Is Fun And At Times Funny

Nature Rx (1 min)

Behind the humor and parody of Nature Rx is good science. Research shows that spending more time in nature improves your health, wellbeing, and leads to making better environmental decisions.

Find out more…http://www.nature-rx.org/research/

Political Correctness Today

I thought you would appreciate the humor I am sharing with you today. This was originally posted on Nesaranews.blogspot.com

A DEFINITION OF THE TERM “POLITICAL CORRECTNESS!”

For the last six odd years, almost all of the things I wanted to write or say, have been stymied by a recently coined term referred to as ‘POLITICAL CORRECTNESS!’  Although I consider myself rather fluent in the English language, that term was not in my vocabulary.  My curiosity got the best of me and I decided to do a little research and after two weeks of chasing fruitless leads, I found what I’d been looking for at the Truman Library and Museum in Independence Missouri.  An unnamed source there sent me copies of four telegrams that were between Harry Truman and Douglas MacArthur on the day before the actual signing of the Surrender Agreement.  The contents of those four telegrams below are exactly as received, not a word has been added or deleted!

(1) Tokyo,Japan 0800-September 1,1945
To: President Harry S Truman
From: General D A MacArthur
Tomorrow we meet with those yellow bellied bastards and sign the Surrender Documents, any last minute instructions!

(2) Washington, D C 1300-September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur
From: H S Truman
Congratulations, job well done, but you must tone down your obvious dislike of the Japanese when discussing the terms of the surrender with the press, because some of your remarks are fundamentally not politically correct!

(3) Tokyo, Japan 1630-September 1, 1945
To: H S Truman
From: D A MacArthur and C H Nimitz
Wilco Sir, but both Chester and I are somewhat confused, exactly what does the term politically correct mean?

(4) Washington, D C 2120-September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur/C H Nimitz
From: H S Truman
Political Correctness is a doctrine, recently fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by a sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by clean end!

Now, with special thanks to my friends at the Truman Museum and Harry, you and I finally have a full understanding of what “POLITICAL CORRECTNESS” really means!  Allan

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America …. Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as ‘HILLBILLIES.’

You must now refer to them as
APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1 She is not a ‘BABE’ or a ‘CHICK’ – She is a ‘BREASTED AMERICAN.’

2. She is not ‘EASY’

She is ‘Horizontally Accessible.’

3. She is not a ‘DUMB BLONDE’

She is a ‘LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.’

4. She has not ‘BEEN AROUND’

She is a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.’

5 She does not ‘NAG’ you

She becomes ‘VERBALLY REPETITIVE.’

6. She is not a ‘TWO-BIT HOOKER’

She is a ‘LOW COST PROVIDER.’

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a ‘BEER GUT’

He has developed a ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’

2. He is not a ‘BAD DANCER’

He is ‘OVERLY CAUCASIAN.’

3. He does not ‘GET LOST ALL THE TIME’

He ‘INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS..’

4. He is not ‘BALDING’

He is in ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.’

5. He does not act like a ‘TOTAL ASS’

He develops a case of  ‘RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.’

6. It’s not his ‘CRACK’ you see hanging out of his pants – It’s ‘REAR CLEAVAGE.’

Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?

Now I didn’t write this but it is rather funny, so I thought you needed a good laugh today.

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Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?

Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians.

The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said,” I think I’ll get up and get a coke.”

“No problem,” said the attorney, “I’ll get it for you.”

While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney’s shoe and spat in it.

When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.”

Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other physician picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

“How long must this go on?” he asked. “This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?”

I love you all dearly! Be blessed, AnGeleve.

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Thank You President Trump

Draining The SwampDecember 15, 2018
Pray for President Trump, the White Hats, our Military and all benevolent beings helping to Free Humanity . Be in JOY and in PEACE. Love others as you Love yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Be an example of Love and Joy. Peace will be ours and so it is.

Angel4Light777@gmail.com

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