Waitress asked a customer about his strange companion… His response is hilarious! 

Waitress asked a Customer about his strange companion


You will enjoy this! 😄

JOE, YOU COULD DO SOMETHING USEFUL …………..

http://nesaranews.blogspot.com/2016/02/joe-you-could-do-something-useful.html?m=1

JOE, YOU COULD DO SOMETHING USEFUL …….

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Joe

A retired guy sits around the house all day so one day his wife says, “Joe, you could do something useful, like vacuum the house once a week”.

The guy gives it a moment’s thought and says; “sure why not. Show me to the vacuum.”

Half an hour later, the guy comes into the kitchen to get some coffee.

His wife says, “I didn’t hear the vacuum working, I thought you were using it?”

Exasperated, Joe answers, ”The stupid thing is broken, it won’t start. We need to buy a new one.”

“Really,” she says, “show me – it worked fine the last time”.

So he did …

CLICK HERE

Political Correctness Today

I thought you would appreciate the humor I am sharing with you today. This was originally posted on Nesaranews.blogspot.com

A DEFINITION OF THE TERM “POLITICAL CORRECTNESS!”

For the last six odd years, almost all of the things I wanted to write or say, have been stymied by a recently coined term referred to as ‘POLITICAL CORRECTNESS!’  Although I consider myself rather fluent in the English language, that term was not in my vocabulary.  My curiosity got the best of me and I decided to do a little research and after two weeks of chasing fruitless leads, I found what I’d been looking for at the Truman Library and Museum in Independence Missouri.  An unnamed source there sent me copies of four telegrams that were between Harry Truman and Douglas MacArthur on the day before the actual signing of the Surrender Agreement.  The contents of those four telegrams below are exactly as received, not a word has been added or deleted!

(1) Tokyo,Japan 0800-September 1,1945
To: President Harry S Truman
From: General D A MacArthur
Tomorrow we meet with those yellow bellied bastards and sign the Surrender Documents, any last minute instructions!

(2) Washington, D C 1300-September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur
From: H S Truman
Congratulations, job well done, but you must tone down your obvious dislike of the Japanese when discussing the terms of the surrender with the press, because some of your remarks are fundamentally not politically correct!

(3) Tokyo, Japan 1630-September 1, 1945
To: H S Truman
From: D A MacArthur and C H Nimitz
Wilco Sir, but both Chester and I are somewhat confused, exactly what does the term politically correct mean?

(4) Washington, D C 2120-September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur/C H Nimitz
From: H S Truman
Political Correctness is a doctrine, recently fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by a sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by clean end!

Now, with special thanks to my friends at the Truman Museum and Harry, you and I finally have a full understanding of what “POLITICAL CORRECTNESS” really means!  Allan

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America …. Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as ‘HILLBILLIES.’

You must now refer to them as
APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1 She is not a ‘BABE’ or a ‘CHICK’ – She is a ‘BREASTED AMERICAN.’

2. She is not ‘EASY’

She is ‘Horizontally Accessible.’

3. She is not a ‘DUMB BLONDE’

She is a ‘LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.’

4. She has not ‘BEEN AROUND’

She is a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.’

5 She does not ‘NAG’ you

She becomes ‘VERBALLY REPETITIVE.’

6. She is not a ‘TWO-BIT HOOKER’

She is a ‘LOW COST PROVIDER.’

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a ‘BEER GUT’

He has developed a ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’

2. He is not a ‘BAD DANCER’

He is ‘OVERLY CAUCASIAN.’

3. He does not ‘GET LOST ALL THE TIME’

He ‘INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS..’

4. He is not ‘BALDING’

He is in ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.’

5. He does not act like a ‘TOTAL ASS’

He develops a case of  ‘RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.’

6. It’s not his ‘CRACK’ you see hanging out of his pants – It’s ‘REAR CLEAVAGE.’

Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?

Now I didn’t write this but it is rather funny, so I thought you needed a good laugh today.

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Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?

Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians.

The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said,” I think I’ll get up and get a coke.”

“No problem,” said the attorney, “I’ll get it for you.”

While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney’s shoe and spat in it.

When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.”

Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other physician picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

“How long must this go on?” he asked. “This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?”

I love you all dearly! Be blessed, AnGeleve.

Thank You President Trump

Draining The SwampDecember 15, 2018
Pray for President Trump, the White Hats, our Military and all benevolent beings helping to Free Humanity . Be in JOY and in PEACE. Love others as you Love yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Be an example of Love and Joy. Peace will be ours and so it is.

Angel4Light777@gmail.com

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